I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
