every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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