My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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