She said her name was "party"
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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