Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
