i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
