Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
