I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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