Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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