You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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