I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
