Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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