We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
