Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
