Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I AM VODKA MAN
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
