New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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