I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
