i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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