watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize