i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
