beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize