just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
