bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
