The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize