I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
