So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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