if you like me you must not know who I am
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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