I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
