I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
