If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
