Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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