Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
