If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
do herpes really smell.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
