I wish I could punch you in the face.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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