Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
