We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize