it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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