And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
