he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
