Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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