K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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