Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
