Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize