The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You don't make any sense
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