i wish peter jackson would direct porn
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
