hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize