it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Randomize
