used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
