that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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