respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
