He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
