ugly people sure do ruin things
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
