Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.

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(562): View more from California

...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are

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(631): View more from New York

so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.

(631): View more from New York

what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK

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(225): View more from Louisiana

If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.

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(757): View more from Virginia

It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"

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(714): View more from California

It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.

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(631): View more from New York

I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn

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(904): View more from Florida

It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.

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