I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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