I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
