you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
