I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
