My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
