What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize