Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
