that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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