Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
