I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
