Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
