I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
