What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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