we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
the condom got lost in my hair
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
