1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
