That's intense
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
